Moose Run Amuck

The other day, two of our new teachers went for a walk to enjoy the scenery of the bush. They are a married couple, and she happens to be pregnant. While they were meandering along, they bumped into a moose and her calf. They got a quick lesson in Bush Survival 101. AVOID MOTHERS AND THEIR CALVES/CUBS AT ALL COST!!! Actually, that is a pretty good idea for survival in general, and the same rule applies across species. Whether you are talking moose, bears, lions, wildebeest, wild pigs, pigeons, or humans—unless you have a death wish, you don’t get in the middle of a mother and her baby.

So these two hapless teachers were strolling along hand-in-hand, and out from behind a tree tromps a very irritated mama moose. They could tell she was annoyed because of all the snorting and bellowing she did. Well, the woman shrieked and took off running. Her husband was right behind her, trying to work his gun out of his pocket—in all the walks they’d taken, this was the first time he had brought along his pistol. And the moose was rapidly gaining ground. Finally, the guy got his gun worked loose, whirled around, and let off a couple of shots. Turns out he is the world’s worst aim. He missed the giant charging moose bearing down on them, and hit the calf way back in the bushes instead. But it worked. The moose stopped chasing them, and ran back to where her calf was.

Mr. Sharpshooter and his pregnant wife hardly broke stride. They ran full out, heading straight for the village.

Meanwhile, the mama moose became even more agitated—she was out for blood. She circled back around and charged out of the bushes in front of the teachers, cutting off their retreat. But this time, Mr. Sharpshooter was ready; he still had the gun in his hand. He let off a couple more shots, and the moose ran off again. The two of them finally made it back to the village, but were rather upset. In fact, the poor woman about went into labor.

Someone reported the incident to the VPOs—Village Police Officers. This is a group of guys posing as village cops, who are about as effective in handling crimes as a bunch of crossing guards. But apparently, they were fascinated with the whole “moose run amuck” idea. And besides, no self-respecting local would pass up a hunt—so they armed themselves and went in search of the crazed animal.

They realized they’d stumbled upon her when she charged at them from the bushes. She had the entire VPO squad on the run. But never fear. They just regrouped, and headed back in to do their “civic duty.” By the time the day was done, both the moose and her calf were dead. And the VPO squad returned to town, heads held high.

After all—you can’t have a mama protecting her baby. That just goes against the laws of nature.